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Commit

I'm committing. Vowing to write each day. Intending to eat smaller, gentler portions. Letting my worries go so I can be a present partner, mother, and friend. It's easy for me to start when I'm motivated. I do all the research, talk the talk, and then somewhere along the way, fear steps in. A little crack in the peachy keen surface that lets me insecurities or old habits in. Sometimes I look into my future with a little trepidation. I have a loving, caring fiance that loves me unconditionally and through all moments. He is accepting, kind, and giving. I am lucky truly for his love which is why I am working so hard to let some things go. I can model a life of health and proactive habits for my daughter and hopefully, they will transfer to him. I can't always compare people to my Dad. It's unfair and unrealistic. C is the perfect Dad for Georgia. He is her rock, her champion, her protector, and her teacher. We are both blessed for him in our lives. But this isn't about that really, it's more about my ability to be in a long term relationship which prior to this wasn't the best track record. So, I have to work consciously to erase my former habits. I have to hold up my side of the deal and be equally involved in caring and tending to the love we share in an unconditional way. Sometimes, everything seems to be on hyperspeed and sometimes it moves so slow. Tonight, with everyone sleeping around me, I feel loneliness. I feel already lonely for years from now when Georgia is grown and off on her own adventures and I am here, many of my loved ones will be gone and what will I do with my emptiness. I hope I know how to fill it and allow others in to form meaningful bonds. I hope I always find my root self beneath whatever I am feeling. I hope I'm still committed to this practice.

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